You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
