Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
