How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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