you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
