I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
