we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
