My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
