Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
