So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
