i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
