There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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