OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You ruined the universe
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
