One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
