you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
