My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
