I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
