Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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