Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
