I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
