I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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