mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
