Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
