Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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