I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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