What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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