You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
