do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
