I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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