Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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