my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
