we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i now understand why vodka
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
