I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
