I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
