I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize