If that was your dad, he is hot
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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