Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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