its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
