Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
