I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
