If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
