Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
