I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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