dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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