sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
