: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
