I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
