Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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