my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize