Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
