the only muscles i have these days is kegels
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
