Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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