ugly people sure do ruin things
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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