After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
