and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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