and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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