We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
