I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
