He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
