Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
