i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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