That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
