Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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