His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
