just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
