So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
