I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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