would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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