just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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